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Administratium, n. A chemical element which makes plutonium look tame.

From the news release:

NEW CHEMICAL ELEMENT DISCOVERED

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
investigators at a major U.S. research university. The element,
tentatively named administratium, has no protons or electrons and
thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron,
125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice
neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles
are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange
of meson-like particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can
be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in
contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of
administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to
complete when it would have normally occurred in less than a
second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years,
at which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a
reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and
assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown
that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs
naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain
points such as government agencies, large corporations, and
universities. It can usually be found in the newest, best
appointed, and best maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that administratium is known to be toxic at
any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive
reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made
to determine how administratium can be controlled to prevent
irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.

-Unknown

-- Hayward's Unabridged Dictionary



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