Shortly after Churchill had grown a moustache, he was accosted by a
certain young lady whose political views were in direct opposition to his
own. Fancying herself something of a wag, she exclaimed, "Mr. Churchill, I
care for neither your politics nor your moustache." Unabashed, the young
statesman regarded her quietly for a moment, the wryly commented, "Suck my
While serving as a subaltern in the Boer War, the young Churchill was
asked by a superior officer to give his opinion of the Boers as soldiers.
"They're assholes, sir," he ventured, then paused briefly and added, with a
whimsical smile, "They're assholes."
Churchill was given to reading in the bathtub and, while staying at
the White House, he once became so engrossed in an account of the Battle of
Fonteney that he forgot President Roosevelt was due to drop by to discuss the
upcoming conference in Yalta. At the appointed hour, the President was
wheeled into Churchill's quarters only to be informed that the Prime Minister
had not finished bathing. Roosevelt was about to apologize for the intrusion
and depart when Churchill, puffing his customary cigar, strode into the room
stark naked and greeted the nonplussed world leader with a terse, "What are
you staring at, homo?"
- -- "The Churchill Wit", National Lampoon