Random Quote #51 topic: religion, Stuff that might offend religious people, mostly Christians.
 PROXY  WHOIS  RQUOTE  TEXTS  SOFT  FOREX  BBOARD


As the recent sightings of bumper stickers reading "IN CASE OF RAPTURE, THIS
VEHICLE WILL BE UNMANNED" have created a great deal of confusion, Fortune
offers the following excerpts from the 1989 printing of the State of Maryland
Driver's Handbook:
If you notice a glorious light in the sky, a sound as of an infinite
choir of unearthly voices, and a host of winged beings descending from the
heavens, do not panic. If you are on the freeway, move to the shoulder as
soon as it is safe to do so, activate your hazard blinkers, and wait for the
end of the world. If you are Saved, it is especially important that you do
this BEFORE you are carried to your Eternal Reward, in order that your vehicle
not become a hazard to others. Remember, Rapture is the number one cause of
automobile accidents during major spiritual upheavals. You may experience a
feeling of discorporation ("being pulled from one's body") while driving. To
ensure the safety of your passengers and other drivers, move to the shoulder
as soon as you notice any of the following symptoms:

-- An overwhelming sense of peace and happiness.
-- Visions of the faces of deceased family members.
-- A glorious figure in white, beckoning from the end of a tunnel of
white mist (do not confuse this with traffic control or maintainance officers,
who wear dark blue and safety orange.)
Once the feeling has passed, inspect your surroundings. If still in
your car, you have probably suffered a stroke and should have someone drive
you to a hospital at once. If you find yourself in the Kingdom of God, consult
the local officials for information on local traffic rules and regulations.



RSS 2.0 GIVE ME MORE RANDOM QUOTE ANY, FROM religion!

Select Next Random Quote Topic:
  apocrypha bible-old bible-new confucius hebraic koran lao-tse nietzsche wittgenstein english-esperanto handy-poetical vulgar-tongue voltaire-dict foolish-dict zola-dictionary rubai-khayyam art ascii-art astrology atheism bierce-devil black-humor bofh-excuses buffy calvin chalkboard computers cookie debian definitions disclaimer drugs education ethnic evilplan fgump food fortunes friends futurama goedel haywards-definitions hitchhiker hphobia humorists humorix-misc humorix-stories joel-on-software kernelcookies kernelnewbies kids knghtbrd law lehenbauer limerick linux linuxcookie literature love magic medicine men-women misandry miscellaneous misogyny news osfortune osho paradoxum people perl pets platitudes politics privates prog-style quotes-20010929 racism religion riddles rj science sex shlomif smac songs-poems sports startrek starwars subversion tao translate-me vulgarity wisdom work xfiles xian-koans zippy ads-1 answers-1 bulletins-1 complaints-1 cruise-1 danquayle-1 employees-1 eugeneormandy-1 excuses-1 famous-1 forest-1 fortunes-1 insurance-1 kidlove-1 kidquotes-1 kidscience-1 language-1 libraries-1 murraywalker-1 news-1 patients-1 predictions-1 ranger-1 restaurants-1 resume-1 river-1 samuelgoldwyn-1 spoonerisms-1 tourism-1 warnings-1 words-1 yogiberra-1 bushism bushjoke reagan obama junauza liz-taylor

There is a simple script that displays a random message from a database of quotes (as in well-know fortunes game). This version is bundled with quotations from The Bible, The Talmud, The Koran, poetry, prose, famous people and books, humorous items.

generated in 0.018922 seconds