Wood is highly ecological, since trees are a renewable resource. If you cut
down a tree, another will grow in its place. And if you cut down the new
tree, still another will grow. And if you cut down that tree, yet another
will grow, only this one will be a mutation with long, poisonous tentacles
and revenge in its heart, and it will sit there in the forest, cackling and
making elaborate plans for when you come back.
Wood heat is not new. It dates back to a day millions of years ago, when a
group of cavemen were sitting around, watching dinosaurs rot. Suddenly,
lightning struck a nearby log and set it on fire. One of the cavemen stared
at the fire for a few minutes, then said: "Hey! Wood heat!" The other
cavemen, who did not understand English, immediately beat him to death with
stones. But the key discovery had been made, and from that day forward, the
cavemen had all the heat they needed, although their insurance rates went
- -- Dave Barry, "Postpetroleum Guzzler"