The new priest was so nervous about performing his first mass that he could
hardly speak. He asked his Monsignor how he could relax. The Monsignor
replied that it might help relax him to add just a bit of vodka to the water
pitcher. The next Sunday, after following the Monsignor's advice, the priest
returned to the rectory to find a note from that worthy.
(1) Next time sip rather than gulp.
(2) There are ten commandments, not 12.
(3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
(4) We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T".
(5) The recommended grace before meals is not,
"Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, Yaaaay, God!"
(6) Do not refer to our Saviour, Jesus Christ, and his
Apostles as "J.C. and the Boys".
(7) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
(8) The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost are never referred
to as, "Big Daddy, Junior, and the Spook".
(9) It is always the Virgin Mary, never The Mary with the Cherry.
(10) Last, but not least, next Wednesday there will be a
Taffy-Pulling Contest at St.Peter's, not a Peter-Pulling
Contest at St. Taffy's.