Random Quote #72 topic: haywards-definitions

Form, n. A piece of paper used as by administrations to deter people
from using their services. It is the opinion of this lexicographer
that the following form could be of the utmost assistance in helping
bureaucracies more effectively serve those under their care.

Form to Request Information in the Form of a Form

Section 1: Personal Information

Name: ___________________________ Sex: [ ]M [ ]F Date of Birth: __/__/__
Social Security Number: ___-__-____
Driver's License Number: ____-____-____
VISA/MasterCard Number: ____-____-____-____
Mailing Address, Business:
Street:_______________________ City:_____________ State: __ ZIP Code:_____
Mailing Address, Home:
Street:_______________________ City:_____________ State: __ ZIP Code:_____
Telephone, Work: (___)___-____, Ext. ____
Telephone, Home: (___)___-____
Telephone, Car: (___)___-____
Beeper: (___)___-____ Chicago High School: [ ]Y [ ]N
E-mail Address:
____________________________________________________ (if address is
in domain aol.com or webtv.net, please explain on a separate sheet
of paper)
Height: _', __" Weight: ___# Hair: ______ Eyes: _____
Blood type: __ IQ: __
Political Affiliation: [ ]Federalist [ ]Republican [ ]Democrat
[ ]Libertarian [ ]Monarchist [ ]Socialist [ ]Marxist [ ]Communist
[ ]Nazi [ ]Fascist [ ]Anarchist
[ ]Other (Please specify:_____________)
Citizenship: [ ]United States, including Canada and other
territories [ ]Mexico [ ]California
[ ]Other (Please specify:_____________________)
Race: [ ]Caucasian/Pigmentally Challenged [ ]African [ ]Asian
[ ]Hispanic/Latino [ ]Amerindian [ ]Heinz-57 [ ]Other
(Please specify: __________________) [ ]An athletic event where people
run around an oval again and again and again.

Page 1 * End of Section 1 of 3

Section 2: Form Description

Length of Form, in Characters: _____
Number of Questions or Required Data: ____
Expected Time to Complete: __ Hours, __ Minutes, __ Seconds.
Expected Mental Effort Required to Complete:
__________________________ (if form would insult the intelligence
of a senile hamster, please explain on a separate sheet of paper)
Expected number of questions judged to be annoying, unnecessary,
and/or personally offensive: __
Expected time wasted on questions judged to be annoying,
unnecessary, and/or personally offensive: __ Hours, __ Minutes, __
Expected blood pressure increase while filling out form: __ mmHg
systolic, __ mmHg diastolic.

If further contemplation has led you to believe that some of the
questions asked are not strictly necessary to provide the service
that you offer upon completion of said form, please enclose revised
prototype here.

Page 2 * End of Section 2 of 3

Section 3: Essay Questions

Please explain, in 500 words or less, your philosophy concerning
the use of forms.

Please explain, in 200 words or less, why you designed this form as
you did.

Please explain, in 300 words or less, why you believe that this
form is necessary. If you are in a service oriented sector and
desire to require the form of people you serve, please explain why
you believe that requiring people to fill out forms constitutes a
service to them.

When this form is completed, please return to the address provided.
The Committee for Selecting Forms will carefully examine your case
and delegate responsibility to an appropriate subcommittee.

Please allow approximately six to eight weeks for the appointed
subcommittee to lose your file in a paper shuffle.

Page 3 * End of Section 3 of 3

-- Hayward's Unabridged Dictionary

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