Random Quote #85 topic: haywards-definitions
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Honest, adj. Addicted to the reprehensible habit of seeing and
explaining things as they are, rather than as they ought to be. The
progress of civilization and technology are rapidly advancing to the
point of being able to cure this unfortunate condition.

One of the last well known sufferers of this madness was the late
Ambrose Bierce, a lexicographer of singular wit and deficient sense.
His appreciation for many things which hold great merit -- re$ource$,
the wisdom of the public nonsensus, the goodness of human nature, the
American dream -- was indubitably stunted by the twin vices of insight
and metacognition. A few characteristic samples of his misguided
ravings are here given:

Compulsion, n. The eloquence of power.

Forefinger, n. The finger commonly used in pointing out two
malefactors.

Hovel, n. The fruit of a flower called the Palace.

Lock-and-key, n. The distinguishing device of civilization and
enlightenment.

Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence;
not conforming to standards of thought, speech and action derived
by the conformants of the study themselves; at odds with the
majority; in short, unusual...

Palace, n. A fine and costly residence, particularly that of a
great official. The residence of a high dignitary of the Christian
Church is called a palace; that of the Founder of his religion was
known as a field, or wayside. There is progress.

Rum, n. Generically, fiery liquors which produce madness in total
abstainers.

Un-American, adj. Wicked, intolerable, heathenish.

-- Hayward's Unabridged Dictionary



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