This guy, see, was walkin' down the street sportin' two -- not one, but two
- -- black eyes; a coupla real shiners. He chanced upon his buddy walkin' th'
other way... they stopped to talk... "Hey guy," sez his buddy, "where'd'ja
git them good lookin' shiners? Musta been a helluva fight."
"Well, actually, I got them in church," sez he.
"Nowwaitaminnit," sez the friend, "nobody gits black eyes in church!"
"I swear I did," sez he, "and here's how it happened. We all got up
to sing a hymn, you see, and the fat lady in front of me got her dress all
stuck up in the crack of her butt, so bein' as how I'm a real gennulman an'
all, well, I leaned forward and pulled it out for her. And you know what?
She just turned around, hauled off and slugged me one!"
"Well," his buddy replies, after he can talk again, "that shore 'nuff
explains one of 'em. Howdja git th' other one?"
"Well," sez he, "like I said, I'm a gennulman, even when somebody does
me wrong, so when I saw she didn't like it like that, I stuck it back in."