As the recent sightings of bumper stickers reading "IN CASE OF RAPTURE, THIS
VEHICLE WILL BE UNMANNED" have created a great deal of confusion, Fortune
offers the following excerpts from the 1989 printing of the State of Maryland
If you notice a glorious light in the sky, a sound as of an infinite
choir of unearthly voices, and a host of winged beings descending from the
heavens, do not panic. If you are on the freeway, move to the shoulder as
soon as it is safe to do so, activate your hazard blinkers, and wait for the
end of the world. If you are Saved, it is especially important that you do
this BEFORE you are carried to your Eternal Reward, in order that your vehicle
not become a hazard to others. Remember, Rapture is the number one cause of
automobile accidents during major spiritual upheavals. You may experience a
feeling of discorporation ("being pulled from one's body") while driving. To
ensure the safety of your passengers and other drivers, move to the shoulder
as soon as you notice any of the following symptoms:
- -- An overwhelming sense of peace and happiness.
- -- Visions of the faces of deceased family members.
- -- A glorious figure in white, beckoning from the end of a tunnel of
white mist (do not confuse this with traffic control or maintainance officers,
who wear dark blue and safety orange.)
Once the feeling has passed, inspect your surroundings. If still in
your car, you have probably suffered a stroke and should have someone drive
you to a hospital at once. If you find yourself in the Kingdom of God, consult
the local officials for information on local traffic rules and regulations.